I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
