I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
They are going to name an STD after you.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
