Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
