i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
