I just cut my nipple shaving
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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