i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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