sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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