The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
