Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
