I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Randomize
