i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
