Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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