Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
