it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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