So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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