My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
