? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
