Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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