I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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