I am spending my child support on dildos
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
