so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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