Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
