i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
