it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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