He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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