I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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