I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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