Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
