Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
