Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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