Swine flu. Run for my life!
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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