in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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