someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
