My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
