Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
