you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
