"it" just moved
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize