He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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