Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
being pregnant is like rehab
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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