i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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