I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
