Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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