So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
