Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
