dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
