Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm both gender and math confused
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