normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
