I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
