I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
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