Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
