Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
