I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
