thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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