You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
